What Would Jesus Drive?

Perhaps some of you have seen the eco-advertisements about "What Would Jesus Drive?" The eco-dorks out there think that they can save the environment by duping the Jesus freaks into buying hybrids and other efficient automobiles instead of gas-guzzling SUV's. What an absolute joke! While I am no fan of SUV's, perverting the teachings of Jesus and the Church as a way to shift the buying patterns of the American public is pathetic and really quite douche-y. First of all, if people really cared about saving the environment, there would be no SUV's in the first place, and the metropolitan public transit systems would be packed (moreso). Secondly, as a Jew with a great deal of spite, I am insulted that they would target my Christian friends and neighbors but wouldn't try to force their beliefs on me! The nerve! I would be more inclined than ever to purchase an SUV now, were it not for the fact that they cost too much, are incredibly inefficient, gas prices are too high, and they are ugly machines. They got lucky with me, but what about the millions of others who could care less about Jesus (or what he would drive)? News flash: If you are a part of this movement, you are a complete loser and might have an extra chromosome. I think the Barking Bug would call you an "ecotard".

In closing, I can tell you exactly what Jesus would drive: Let's see, he's from the Middle East. He doesn't speak English. He's religious. He has some weird ideas about philosophy. I say he'd drive a taxi! That's what I say, and the next time you see one of those douchebags with some of that propaganda, but sure to tell him that, plus that he's full of crap!