Douche Open Seeks Sponsor
The inaugural season of the world douche tour will probably begin on Saturday, March 11, 2006. I say probably, because one of the douche bags in question may have to stay at home due to chronic douchiness. It seems his parent may have to come down and help him pack so he can move into a new house that as of this point does not exist. This is surely a sign that his status on the douche tour is well deserved.Anyhow, given that the other douches will badger him into senselessness, including repeated kicks to his alleged junk, its safe to assume the event will go on as planned. To that end, I am making an urgent plea for sponsorship on this fast approaching event. Sponsorship is easy and rewarding. Please send a bottle of unopened hard liqueur to Barking Bug, 1200 N. veitch St., apt. 808, Arlington, VA, 22201. Money would be accepted, but that would be somewhat gay, so just send the booze. Do this and you will receive all sorts of sponsorship shit, a free barkingbug.com email address, a blog entry, a punch in the face, and any sort of other bullshit that is easy for me to do.
I'd elaborate, but the wife is bitching at me -- bedtime is calling.
posted by Barking Bug @ 7:24 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I would like to comment. a) you don't have a wife. you have a long suffering girl friend with whom i sympathize. i advise you to make her your wife before she thinks better of it.
b) this golf tournament, also referred to in other circles as the "golf tournament for the lame" is an infuriating day of "drunk golf" whose participants arrive home wasted and useless and wonder why people get annoyed with them. here's to hoping this round goes better.
c) thank god i will be out of town for this mess. non-wife, you have my sympathies.
I would like to rebutt, as the good name of the Douche Open is being trod upon by unwanted and unneeded outsiders. Surely, to be misunderstood is to be great. In order for everyone to understand the greatness of these outings, I must respond point by point, as would be appropriate.
a.) Bug may not have a wife in the legal sense, but he is already whipped and domesticated. For all intents and purposes, he is married and will likely get married soon. Let's face it, "the wife" already controls the finances and his social life. The only thing missing is a band of gold around his finger to say to the world, "I'm a married douchebag! Look at me. I suck at life." So, while he has not purchased said accessory, be fully aware that he is figuratively married.
b.) The Douche Open, Golf Tournament For the Lame, and all other sporting events of its kind are blaxing the trails to make douche-dom, lameness, and big vaginitis known and treatable impariments. For those who are crippled by these diseases, these outings provide education and potential treatment to those afflicted by these debilitating social issues.
c.) Ignoring these problems do not mean they do not exist. You can fly all the way around the world. The lame douches of the world are still out there. Still not doing anything with their lives. Still being miserable. While fireyredhead's support might not be forthcoming, she can at least acknowledge that these sad individuals need our help. That is what it's all about, after all.
Please, sponsor this golf tournament. It's the only way that we can eliminate lame douche-dom in our lifetime...
Let me just say that if one is concerned with the level of drunkenness, you could always sponsor the tournament by 1)provide a bottle from your house that you don't want your boyfriend to drink, or 2) provide booze that is slightly less than the 80 proof the tourney typically partakes in.
As much of an idiot as "defender" appears to be, he does bring up some good points. We like to laugh about these things, but when it comes down to it this event is for a very important cause, and we couldn't do it without a sponsor.
And on a technical note- while the "Tournament for the Lame" is indeed a major event, the contest represents the closing of the tour season and supports an entirely different cause. Thats like confusing spring training with the Wrold Series... Get your facts straight!
Yeah! Put up, or shut up!
i stand by my statements. and if getting married means a gold ring around your finger that indicates "I'm a married douchebag! Look at me. I suck at life." perhaps you ought not get married.
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