Move your bag, you old bag!
Its bad enough getting stuck at work late only have to deal with another delayed subway--dont make me stand there on oddly long escalators because you are too much of a retard to move your bag out of the way, you old bag.Today I politely squeazed by this lame bag lady and she gives me an "excuuuuuse me!?!" Well, Steve Martin, why don't you excuse my balls.
Bottom line, if you put the bag out there, Im going to hit that shit and I hope everyone else does the same.
posted by Barking Bug @ 4:07 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Barking Bug,
Well I NEVER!!! I have never been so insulted in all my life. Our encounter the other day scared me to death! I've been so petrified, I started ovulating the other day! I attribute this inconvenience to your careless brutality, and certainly not those estrogen pills... But the real injustice is your recounting of the facts. Your reconstruction of the events from Tuesday could not be further from the truth!
I had just come back from the salon, where I got my hair highlighted a stony grey (with disgusting yellow streaks). While I was there, I had a pedicure, and they vacuumed the spider webs from my vagina. Feeling refreshed, I decided to join my fellow octagenarians in Gallery Place for some shopping and bitching about how young people don't know shit about shit. I picked up all the standard old bag accessories: witch hazel, Ben-Gay, disgusting licorice candies to force on my grandkids and random passers-by, and a new rubber tip for my cane.
Refreshed from my grandiose display of American consumerism (if I don't buy Ben-Gay, the terrorists win), I headed home to the goold old old folks home. As I basked in the glory of having breasts that sagged like raw eggs hanging on a rusty nail, a lumbering beast of an irishman sprung up the stairs and viciously attacked my bag of old bitch stuff! Imagine the horror I felt as my inconsequential possessions were jostled slightly. If he had bumped my things any harder, he would have broken my hip! I could do nothing but utter a shocked EXCUUUUUUSSSE ME?!?! to let him know that I was mildly inconvenienced. It was not rudeness, it was a matter of fact statement of my shock and awe.
Thank you, Barking Bug. You not only spread malicious lies about our encounter, but you have furthered my mistrust for any man, young or old. I hope you're satisfied! You'd better post a new entry on this blog immediately, before I take your rectal temperature with my cane!
Gloria Manderville
Resident Old Bag
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