Enough Already, Dick Vitale!

Every year, millions of ESPN viewers are subjected to the screaming and ranting of Dick Vitale, a former college coach and NCAA basketball "expert". Seriously, what did any of us do to deserve this kind of torture? The man gets paid large sums of money to do color commentary of NCAA (minor league) basketball games and further "analysis" on ESPN programs (e.g. SportsCenter). However, anyone with half a brain knows that this jackass ruins every broadcast he does. All he does is enthusiastically scream and yell about things that have nothing to do with the matter at hand. Of course, once he's done making his various off-base and moronic points, he'll finish with a loud ".... BABY!!!!". Dickie V, you may like to listen to yourself talk, but it's giving the rest of us a migraine!

I am so sick of the guy that I will literally change the channel the moment he comes on the air. The very sound of his voice makes me want to rip my left arm off, just so I have something to throw at him! ESPN, your audience throws an epilleptic fit and grows collectively dumber every time you put this epic douche on the air. Do the entire world a favor and ban him from studios everywhere and replace him with insightful and responsible professionals.

I'm not saying that Dick Vitale should die, I just don't want to have to look at his face or listen to him ever again. I will say this: forcing Vitale into retirement would truly be AWESOME, BABY!!!!

Delaware Sucks!

Reasons Delaware shouldn't be nuked off the map:

1. No sales tax on consumer purchases
2. Favorable corporate laws that help US businesses.
3. Without traffic, it only takes 20 minutes to get through the state on the way to legitimate destinations.
4. Save weapons to stop Godzilla.

Yes, Delaware sucks and offers little value to anyone. What's more, they take in over $20mm a year in tolls from drivers desperate to get into the slightly less-sucky state of Maryland via I-95. That's just complete BS. Delaware is lucky to even get a star on the flag. I found a way around the Delaware toll, which will save you $4 and stick it to those jackholes:

1. Exit I-95 South at Delaware Exit 1B (Rt. 896, College Ave.).
2. About 1 mile up, make a left on Rt. 2 (Christina Ave.)
3. About 1.5 miles, make a left onto Rt. 2 (Elkton Rd.)
4. I-95 South in Maryland (Exit 109) will be less than 2 miles away.

Given the traffic during the summer and on weekends, this will add about 5 miles to your trip, but it will often save you time and frustration. Suck on that, Delaware!

Love that Chicken?

On our way back to DC from the "bachelor party" from hell, we stopped to eat dinner around 10 PM at the Chesapeake House in Northern Maryland. They offer the usual rest stop fast food options. I decided on some delicious Popeye's Fried Chicken. However, the Hispanic family in line in front of me proceeded to piss me off by taking 15 minutes to order their massive dinner:

4 16-piece fried chicken buckets
3 large sides of mashed potatoes and gravy
2 large sides of red beans and rice
2 large sides of macaroni and cheese
16 buttermilk biscuits
10 medium fountain drinks

Total: $125

Perhaps they should have just said, "Wait, how much chicken do you have back there? I'll take it!" Has anyone ever actually ordered $125 worth of Popeye's and lived? Of course we know that Popeye's is unhealthy. However, there are environmental effects as well. I know that the aftermath of my 3-piece chicken dinner was a fart-riddled 2002 Toyota Solara and one super-sized piece of "information" 3 hours later. I can only imagine what 22x the food would have done to that poor family...

Excuse me, Miss...

I have a confession: I enjoy pina coladas. I'm already a huge fan of pineapple and coconut juices, and I also enjoy milking drinks to avoid getting drunk. So, getting a froofy mixed drink with minimal alchohol content would be a logical step, no?

Saturday evening at the Comedy Cellar in New York City (a fantastic place, btw), I was sitting with friends, and we shared a table with several young ladies also in attendance. Partially as a joke (but mostly because I wanted one), I ordered a pina colada from the bar to "enjoy" while I watched the show. The dummy waittress brought me a Coors Lite and one of the girls at the table a pina colada. The girl looked confused by mixup. I, of course, just wanted my drink. So, in between comedy sets, I said a little too loudly, "Excuse me, Miss? I believe that is my Pina Colada... this here is your Coors Lite!"

Faaaantastic!

Worst "Bachelor Party" Ever?

I attended what was supposed to be a bachelor party for a long time friend in NYC this past weekend. The whole thing was cut short by the bachelor getting violently ill and passing out by 10 PM after 1 beer, 1/2 a glass of wine, and a fantastic Italian dinner. To me, this basically cancelled the bachelor party, so those of us not taking care of the groom went to a comedy show and bar-hopping around NY. Normally, I'd be railing against him for extreme douchebaggery, but NOT THIS TIME! I place full blame on the mother of the groom and the bride-to-be for bombarding the poor guy with frantic calls about errors on the wedding program, final RSVP's, and BS bickering between both sides of the family. Seriously? You really can't leave the bachelor alone for 36 hours to let him just have fun with his friends? Between the weeks leading up to the wedding and the rest of his life, you are the very same people that are going to strip him of the will to live. Is it absolutely mandatory that you get a head start on his life of misery? F-you to you people for stealing a rare weekend of fun from an all-around good guy!

Back in the Saddle

I'M BACK, BEYOTCHES!!!! After a 349 day hiatus, barkingbug.blogspot.com are is back on the scene. The Barking Bug (and his affiliates) will do all they can to update you on the inane, mundane, and silly crap that goes on that pisses us off (and should piss you off, too). Be prepared for a year's worth of pent up rage and frustration. Stay tuned...