A Very Buggish Bachelor Party, Part III

Part III: The "First Pitch"

Following an otherwise uneventful afternoon of scotch sampling (chugging) and some very low stakes Texas Hold 'Em, a very liquored up group walked down to the local Manch-stadium for a New Hampshire Fishercats game. [Note: The Fishercats are the AA affiliate of the Toronto Blue Jays.] As a special surprise, the Barking Brother (also the best man) had announced that the very drunk Bachelor would be throwing out that evening's first pitch. What we soon realized was that minor league baseball franchises are all about promotions and fan involvement. In this case, we happened to attend the game on Saturday, August 11, 2007, otherwise known as "Everyone With 1 Arm or More Throws Out a First Pitch" Day. At least 15 people got to throw out a "first pitch" that evening. Almost all of them were younger kids out for birthday parties and such. Despite these factors, the Barking Bug was still the most likely participant to pee his pants (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Anyways, the kids did pretty well, getting their "first pitches" over the plate on a fly. However, they really lacked in pitching mechanics and showmanship. The Barking Bachelor chose to teach them a lesson with his "first pitch". When his name was called, the Bachelor walked to the mound with both hands raised triumphantly above his head, as if to say, "It's my time now, beyotches!". Before climbing the mound, he attempted to remove his flip-flops, but was instructed by stadium personnel that this was not allowed. Once positioned on the pitching rubber, he leaned in for his sign (nearly falling over in the process). He shook off the change-up and curve ball, opting for the fastball. Tipping his cap and launching into his pitching motion, the Barking Bachelor unleashed a tremendous pitch... that proceeded to sail 6 feet over the catcher's head and against the backstop. Using all of his baseball instincts and remaining faculties, Bug eagerly rushed toward home to back up the play and retrieve the souvenir ball . The Nazi bastards at the ballpark moved quickly to escort him from the field and refused to let him have the ball.

That is a bunch of crap, but the Barking Bachelor returned to our seats to a hero's welcome and armed with an inflated sense of self importance. Obviously, this led to additional hilarity and antics. Stay tuned...