Kickball Is NOT a Sport!!!

If you go out walking during the spring or summer in Washington, DC, you will see many things. Cherry blossoms, marble monuments glistening in the sun, kids flying kites, and tourists looking at maps to figure out where the Washington Monument is (seriously, just look up...). If you're looking to get pissed off, you can wander down anywhere between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument and see burgeoning crowds of retards playing organized kickball. When I see these throngs of idiots screaming, yelling, and getting into fights over a game that any person with functional legs and an IQ of 40 can excel at, it makes my soul hurt.

Let's face it. Elementary schoolers play kickball in gym class because they're not coordinated enough to play any real sports in any valuable way. With kickball, the ball is big enough that even the girliest metrosexual can do well. The fact is, if you consider yourself an athlete and are proud to play kickball, you should be shot. You should derive no pride from such an activity. If you want to meet potential sexual partners and drink beer, go to the bar and meet potential sexual partners and drink beer. Don't ruin everyone's good time with your stupid little game, then defend it like it's your first born son. It's a fun little game, but keep it to yourselves. If you're not talented enough to play a real sport, don't do the rest of us a disservice by playing a meaningless game.

Admittedly, I do play slow pitch softball in the same area. While I take myself way too seriously in these games, I do not go so far as to call it a sport or be completely proud of my involvement in these leagues. To me, it's a good way to be mildly competitive, get outside in the summertime, and enjoy some frosty beverages. The fact that I am hyper-obsessed with my own involvement does not say anything about softball. I consider it a semi-sport because there is some skill involved with being a good player. However, kickball involves no skill at all. It's a lot like fishing on the Chesapeake and just reeling in the ones you catch. It's kind of satisfying in a way, but in a much more real and accurate way, you are actually a retard and should spend your time and efforts elsewhere.

In conclusion, if you play in a kickball league, you should be castrated or receive a hysterectomy. The fact is that the people playing this retarded game are collectively dumbing down America. They should definitely not procreate and should maybe be rounded up and deported. Kickball is a game that lacks masculinity or brains. Maybe Canada will be more supportive...