More Kickball Idiocy...

I'm sure all of you are aware of my vehement opposition to the silly, unnecessary, pathetic game called kickball (link). I thought I had said my peace, but just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in...

As you can read in this article from the Washington Citypaper, effective February 14, 2006, there is officially a federal lawsuit regarding kickball. To give you a brief synopsis, WAKA, the degenerate corporation that organizes the extensive population of gay retards who play kickball in the DC region (they claim to have 10,000 members), is seeking an immediate halt of operations from DC Kickball, a small competitor (400 members), PLUS $356,000 in compensatory and punitive damages. Why does WAKA assert that these damages are owed? First, WAKA alleges that DC Kickball "stole their intellectual property" because there are some overlapping rules. Included in these overlaps are: (i) all members must be 21 years or older to play, (ii) there must be at least 4 men and 4 women in the field, and (iii) the equipment and field dimensions are "similar". In addition to the intellectual property concerns, WAKA also claims that the founder of DC Kickball "defamed their good name" by calling them "The Microsoft of Kickball" in a separate Washington Citypaper article from May 2005. [Blogger's note: Considering the overwhelming popularity and power of Microsoft, I'm not really sure how this is a defamation or insult. However, I'm sure it wasn't what he said, but how he said it...]

According to the Sports Law Blog, this entire lawsuit is frivolous. I say no one with an IQ above 60 has to sit and think about this one to realize that the whole situation is outright ludicrous. We are all aware that anyone above the age of 14 playing competitive kickball is just plain pathetic. I have also maintained that unathletic metrosexual men use this purported "fun game" as a pickup attempt, which I found purely laughable. However, this situation just tops it all! I look at the WAKA, LLC v. DC Kickball lawsuit like this: WAKA is a large, established association of absolute retards with a membership of 10,000. They are suing a newer, smaller association of retards over their definition of the word "retard" and asking for damages because the smaller group called them "retards". Basically, this entire situation is nothing but pathetic hilarity. Only in America would something so useless as kickball waste the time and resources of the federal court system.

Total Medieval BS

Excuse my recent hiatus from posting on this regal blog. I have actually been happy, and nothing has upset me to the point that I would need to vent and share with the rest of you. Thanks to the Medieval Times in Arundel Mills Mall (Columbia, MD), my rage and spite are at all-time highs!

I attended these festivities for a friend's birthday. It was a grand gathering, with jousting, some spear-throwing, cool horse tricks, and a campy, cheesy script. We were seated in the Yellow Knight's cheering section. Being the moron that I am, I wore my yellow paper crown with pride, and I entertained many of my fellow spectators by yelling insults to the knights on the field of "battle". For instance, the Green Knight had really long hair, so I told him to "get a haircut" because "the world doesn't run on love". I also relished yelling "You're my boy, BLUE!" to the Blue Knight. With my inspirational cheers for the Yellow Knight and howls of dissatisfaction against the competition (such as screaming, "YOU'RE GOING DOWWWWWWWWWWWN!!!!!" at the other knights), the Yellow Knight won the entire "fight to the death" tournament by defeating 3 other competitors and was declared the victor.

However, right when the Yellow Knight was about to take the victory sword, the evil traitor knight stabbed him in the stomach and killed him. All of a sudden, the Blue Knight, who got stabbed and nearly killed in the first battle of the tournament, made some sort of Willis Reid-like recovery and came out to defend the throne. Predictably, the knight who may or may not have had entrails managed to defeat the supposed "greatest fighter in the kingdom" to save the day. As a result, the King declared the Blue Knight the "new champion". THAT IS TOTAL CRAP!!! The Yellow Knight won 3 matches and got stabbed by a traitor. How does the King honor his fallen soldier? By giving his crown to some douchebag, whose life got saved by an act of mercy from a woman!!! Where's the justice in that?!?! I say the Blue Knight is a pussy, who won 1 battle. How can that compare to the Yellow Knight, who won 3? Where's his parade?

Unfortunately, I'm not the King. I don't make the rules. Still, I can't help but feel screwed over here. The Yellow Knight is the rightful winner, and he got passed over by a wussy douche, who spent time sleeping after he got his butt whooped fair and square. I demand a recount!!!!