Total Medieval BS

Excuse my recent hiatus from posting on this regal blog. I have actually been happy, and nothing has upset me to the point that I would need to vent and share with the rest of you. Thanks to the Medieval Times in Arundel Mills Mall (Columbia, MD), my rage and spite are at all-time highs!

I attended these festivities for a friend's birthday. It was a grand gathering, with jousting, some spear-throwing, cool horse tricks, and a campy, cheesy script. We were seated in the Yellow Knight's cheering section. Being the moron that I am, I wore my yellow paper crown with pride, and I entertained many of my fellow spectators by yelling insults to the knights on the field of "battle". For instance, the Green Knight had really long hair, so I told him to "get a haircut" because "the world doesn't run on love". I also relished yelling "You're my boy, BLUE!" to the Blue Knight. With my inspirational cheers for the Yellow Knight and howls of dissatisfaction against the competition (such as screaming, "YOU'RE GOING DOWWWWWWWWWWWN!!!!!" at the other knights), the Yellow Knight won the entire "fight to the death" tournament by defeating 3 other competitors and was declared the victor.

However, right when the Yellow Knight was about to take the victory sword, the evil traitor knight stabbed him in the stomach and killed him. All of a sudden, the Blue Knight, who got stabbed and nearly killed in the first battle of the tournament, made some sort of Willis Reid-like recovery and came out to defend the throne. Predictably, the knight who may or may not have had entrails managed to defeat the supposed "greatest fighter in the kingdom" to save the day. As a result, the King declared the Blue Knight the "new champion". THAT IS TOTAL CRAP!!! The Yellow Knight won 3 matches and got stabbed by a traitor. How does the King honor his fallen soldier? By giving his crown to some douchebag, whose life got saved by an act of mercy from a woman!!! Where's the justice in that?!?! I say the Blue Knight is a pussy, who won 1 battle. How can that compare to the Yellow Knight, who won 3? Where's his parade?

Unfortunately, I'm not the King. I don't make the rules. Still, I can't help but feel screwed over here. The Yellow Knight is the rightful winner, and he got passed over by a wussy douche, who spent time sleeping after he got his butt whooped fair and square. I demand a recount!!!!