Demon Review #2

You know the bug blog is going down hill when I, creator of said blog, haven't been able to bring myself to read it for months. This past weekend I was faced with two options -- read this blog or do everything else I could possibly imagine and then hope I fell asleep. The decision was obvious. I'd go into a long, rambling rant in a pointless attempt to explain, but that has proven to be the email demon's problem and thusly this blog's problem. Let's just say this -- I was so bored, I got tired of the Internet, actually read a book, and went to the gym -- twice! Anything that sucks so much it drives me to the gym twice should be studied carefully for scientific purposes.

Unfortunately, studying would require reading the posts, and I refuse to do that out of pure spite. Let me say this to anyone reading -- I have fixed the comments problem. Somehow before I was supposed to approved all comments before they went live. Comments will no longer be filtered. I apologize to the 6 douche bags who were wronged by this. It is my hope that the nasty comments will liven things up. And, with any luck, the firery red head will make herself known soon. In other good news, I may start deleting select craptacular posts.

Let me just weigh in on some of the recent topics:

• jj redick - minor league basketball sucks, no one cares
• chivalry is dead - one of the last one I read - potentially funny, but ruined by misguided babbling
• chris berman is horrible in every way, and always was, the demon just like hearing him say "back, back, back, back, back.. and gone" when they are doing dirty things together in the park.
• kickball is not a sport. Neither is softball. its not about sport, its about beer
• my first review -- dead on
• all star game -- the mangers dont try, so who cares how the players are picked

In conclusion, a check minus for the email demon, whose glory days seem to be behind him... and an incomplete for bailing out of the big camping trip in two weeks. I challenge anyone to find a douchier act then the email demon bitching out of the camping trip because he thinks he will have a lot of work to do in a few weeks, so much work that he will be worrying about it every night as he watches crappy cartoon reruns and all weekend during the three softball games he will be playing while drinking as much ass he possbily can (potentially 2.5 beers).

$2 reward if anyone can top that.

Baseball's All-Star Game Sucks. Part 1: The Fans Select The Starters

In case you didn't read the title of this post, I absolutely hate the baseball all-star game, and I wish it would get syphilis and die. They say that the game gets better ratings than all the other major sports, that it's for the fans, and that it's good for the game and such, but that's just a lie. The All Star Game is an excuse for the supposed best in baseball to be very lazy, get wined and dined, and for the host owner and city to cash in on the local idiots and the media fanfare. Let us deconstruct this issue rationally. The MLB All Star game does enjoy a sizeable television audience, but that's because the baseball enjoys several major advantages. The"mid-summer classic" happens in July, when there's no good television on, and at a time when there's no other sports competition. The NBA All-Star game falls just after the NFL season ends (super bowl hangover), and right in the midst of television "sweeps". It also has to compete (although it doesn't have to try hard) with the NHL. The Pro Bowl is watered-down football with little hitting and less effort and doesn't mean anything, so no one watches. The NHL is the NHL, so no more discussion is needed there. With no competition, Major League Baseball can feel free to put a shoddy product on the field and get away with it because there's nothing else better on! The All Star Game is just a stupid idea in general. I would much rather see the World Baseball Classic than the all-star game because there's more at stake and people will try.

My first pet peeve is the idiotic voting to determine its rosters and put together a game that no one really cares about under the guise of "giving the fans what they want". Trust me, NO ONE is getting what they want (except maybe the owner of the host team, who gets a ton of revenue with no risk because he can get the host city to cover his costs).

Part I: The Selection Process

The All-Star selection process is crap, and it always pisses me off. The wealthy teams in the big cities dominate the voting and get the most starters in. Either that, or the sentimental favorites will be voted in with no merit, and that robs more worthy players of being invited. This year was a huge abberation, I only noted 2 borderline selections (Paul LoDuca as the starting NL catcher over Brian McCann and Vlad Guerrero over Vernon Wells or Grady Sizemore in the AL outfield). And really, does David Ortiz really deserve to be on the ballot as a first baseman? The guy is a terrible fielder, and he's a DH. He played 5 games at 1B during the season, and he's on the ballot, while Jim Thome, who is in a similar situation but is a competent 1B is not on the ballot? Let's face it, in an NL home year, anyone who is a full time DH should not be on the ballot. That means Ortiz should be a write-in candidate AT BEST. Moreover, most years you see crap like Barry Bonds elected as a starter the 2005 All Star Game when he hadn't taken an at-bat all year, or the last 7 years of Cal Ripkin's career, where he was voted in to start at 3B, when he wasn't even the 5th best player at his position in the AL. You could make the argument that this is what the fans want. I make the argument that fans are complete idiots, and they stuff the ballot boxes for their hometown stars without giving a thought to the most deserving candidates. Generally, the fans do right on about 60% of the selections. That's not a percentage or a track record that I would trust. I mean really, if you got to have sex once a year, and only 60% of the time, your partner was able to please you, would you let them try again after 25+ years of that BS? HELLLLL NO! Seriously, this is the All-Star Game, not the All-Popular Game. The best players from THAT YEAR should go, not the guy who clinched the Hall of Fame 5 years ago and is sticking around for the paycheck.

Up Next: The Player/Manager Reserve Selections.

Mind Your Own Business, Beyotch!

Every year for a combination Mother's Day/Father's Day gift, I take my parents out to dinner, then to a Phillies game. It's a good time, and we go without my brother, which means they'll have plenty of extra time to ask me lots of incessant questions about work and my social life that I really don't want to discuss. Due to unusually high attendance from Chase Utley t-shirt night, I couldn't score box seats, so we settled for 3rd row upper deck behind the plate. Up in the nosebleeds, you generally encounter a different class of fan. Given that it's Philadelphia, you expect rude, drunken jerks, though there are more subtle jackholes who piss me off...

Sitting next to me at the game was a somewhat portly woman. She wasn't "orca fat", but if we stood side-by-side, we would closely resemble the number '10' (if you get this joke, give yourself a cookie). I wouldn't call her morbidly obese, but her arm fat and gunt did invade my personal space. The conclusion: her mere presence was instantly annoying. To further incite my rage, she didn't watch the game, choosing instead to fiddle with her cell phone text messaging and such. While this crappy fan behavior is annoying, she at least paid her way into the park and supported the team that way. Anyways, my mother doesn't know a ton about baseball outside of the front page of the local paper, so she'll ask me about players and teams during the game, and I'll try to fill her in on the details. In the first inning, Jason Bay, the star player on the Pirates, came to the plate, and I explained that he was a star player and won the rookie of the year award in 2003 or 2004. The fat beyotch next to me is fiddling with her phone, then taps me on the shoulder to inform me that Bay won the 2004 RoY, then she read his stat line from that year. I was shocked that she bothered to speak to me at all. I was talking with other people, and she just hopped right into my conversation as if I had asked for her assistance. What the heck was with this woman?

Over the course of the evening, this woman interrupted me no fewer than 5 extra times with stats and her own opinions. For instance, I called Shea Stadium a craphole and the worst park in the major leagues. She told me that Oakland's stadium was way worse and gave a 3 minute speech about why. Later, I mentioned that Nick Swisher was a solid young hitter on my fantasy team, so she pointed out that he has been slumping lately, so I should trade him. Naturally, this dilusional, jerkish behavior pissed me off to no end. Finally, in the 7th inning, my mom asked why Ryan Howard, the Phillies first baseman, wasn't starting in the All Star Game. I told her that Albert Pujols was the best player in baseball and the leading vote-getter. I also mentioned that "Prince Albert" missed a good chunk of June with a muscle pull, but he was still near or at the top of the league in lots of hitting categories, including HR's. The fat beyotch fiddles with her cell phone for a minute, then says, "Wrong again. He only missed 15 days with a ribcage strain, and he homered today, so he's in first place in that category." That was the last straw! Here is the exchange that followed:

Me: Thanks for the info. I was wondering if you could check something up for me on your phone.
Fat Beyotch: What's that, dear?
Me: Why don't you look up how to go fahk yourself.
FB: EXCUSE ME?
Me: You heard me. Butt out of my conversations. Watch the game and shut up.
FB: (mutters under her breath)

Naturally, my parents were mortified, but I got to watch the last 2 1/2 innings of the game without the amateur statistician pestering my family with annoying commentary and her useless insights. Here's my take: If you go to a ballgame, you go to enjoy the ambiance and the ballpark. Friendly chatter is allowed and encouraged, but when it's plainly clear that people aren't interested in your stupid opinions, back off, mind your own business, and leave the other fans alone. If you really have something to say, start posting needless op-ed pieces on a friend's blog that nobody reads. Seriously, who in their right mind updates complete strangers on baseball facts without being asked? Only in Philadelphia...